I want to talk about one of the hardest things we experience as parents, adults, and mostly women – friends. True friendships with real woman that you can go to coffee with, have margaritas with, call at 9pm because you need an ice cream run kind of friendships. Raise your hand if you crave that? Raise your hand if you have that? I bet we would be shocked to see the number of hands raised for each one…
I am 37 years old. I have two sisters and a mom that I am super close to. I have built in besties. And I love them more than guacamole. We have so much fun together and we have grown quite the relationships as we navigate motherhood together. I love them so much. Back when I had babies at home, I went through many friend groups. I have so many wonderful memories of those times and some not so great memories too. It is what it is and unfortunately, kinda comes with territory with woman. I will admit – I was a lot to handle then (very unhappy at times too), but always wanted to be a great friend. I failed too – I worked full time, had a full plate, and was probably known for having to flake out….and probably having no patience when others did the same, because I didn’t have time for it. Then don’t even get me started about couple friends – that was always a trip. I got to the point in my life, where I was tired. Between working, being a wife, being a mama, and trying to stay alive, friendships fell to the waste side. I didn’t need friends anyway – I had two sisters and my mom.
Then life came on hard. Kids got crazy busy and with me and Shane both working, there was no time but to sleep. It sucked. And it was one of the reasons I wanted to quit my full time job so bad – I wanted a life again. We barely had time to hang with our families. And I SO craved girl time. I did have some dance mom friends (still have a few 🙂 ) that we made a point to hang once a week, but I had to MAKE it happen and backed out more than I am willing to admit. I hated being a flake and I honestly did not know that I could be the kind of friend to someone else that I wanted as well. I did have many friends I worked with and that was awesome. And easy. We saw each other every day and usually had lunch :). But usually that was it.
I swear there is a point to all this. Stay with me :).
In came Rodan and Fields :). I joined for the money and opportunity. I wanted to quit my job. Period. But I was so pleasantly surprised at the new friendships and bonds I found in an unexpected place. I have created life long friendships in our troop that I could not do life without everyday :). The crazy part is that most of them were geographically no where near me. That makes me SO sad. My girl and best friend, MT is 10 hours away and I would give anything to see her at least once a week, but we can’t. These RF friendships are such a blessing and the best surprise from this biz :).
Then there is allllll of y’alllll! My internet friends HA! I love this tribe so much and y’all make me a better person. This group of “friends” that read this blog, send me messages, and love on my IG pics are why I do this – hoping to help one of you feel normal, worthy, and loved :).
Then I quit my job. I did not go in a job everyday. Very little adult interaction. The friends I had were only accessible via phone, text, and the internet. And that is when I realized, I don’t have many friends here. (J and T – I love you and I know you are here!) I have blocked that aspect out of my life for so long as a defense mechanism to drama, disappointment, and from me hurting someone as I was not in a place for it. I was surrounded by school moms, dance moms, football moms, neighbors, church friends, etc – yet I felt alone. I realized how BAD I, we, need these relationships.
I was so jealous. Ok. I AM so jealous of the friendships I see on the highlight reels of IG and FB. And I feel like the Lord is stirring this in my heart because so many of y’all are too. It’s ok. I just want us to NOT revert back to the stupid high school, mean girl, days. We need to not let the jealousy get the best of us. Because guess what? Why the hell would anyone want to be friends with the jealous bitch? HA!
So I want to take a moment and make sure we all know that many of us are in the same boat and NEED a friend/friends. The thing is, it is so damn hard to make that happen. It’s awkward. It’s embarrassing. It feels like you are literally walking into battle sometimes to just walk up to another woman and introduce yourself. I hate that! I really hate that! And Lord knows, I am in the same boat. I am a fairly bold, brave person for the most part, and I would probably rather pee my pants at Claire’s pep rally than walk into a group of women and introduce myself. Feel me?
So let’s challenge ourselves. If you are nodding your head with me – let’s DO SOMETHING. The fact is – WE NEED GIRLFRIENDS. We really do. We need women to pray for us and to pray for. We need women that have our back. Women that will never judge us. That will be there in a hot second if you need her. And you be willing to do the same. So many of us try to act like we don’t need it, but we do. We are lying. So what do we do? We get brave. We pray like our life depends on it for the Lord to bring us the friends and that you be placed in the sight of a woman that needs one too. We be willing to invite to coffee or margs or even to our dirty houses, stained carpet and all. We want the kind of people that don’t care – as long as you have wine :). I see these memes and inspirational women talk about these kinds of friendships and from what I can tell, they are real HA! Also? Be open. Maybe be that friend to someone else. Open your circle. Invite others. Don’t be a mean bitch. Don’t get all clique-y. I have admittedly done that and I could die when I think about it. We all could do some good from loving more. No matter how many friends you have – you could use more love ;).
We are going to have to quit hiding and go to the things. Maybe you don’t know anyone there, but maybe you will leave with a smile on your face and a new text group. You will never know. I am doing this with you. You know how hard this is to write knowing all the local ladies can read it and see what a mess I am? Y’all. I would love to have parties, get togethers, bible studies, and RF fun things at my house – but I don’t know that anyone would come but my mom, nina, and sisters. That is a sad fact that I have realized in the last year. So. Why not just put myself out here and hold myself accountable too?
Not sure if any of this made sense – I totally just typed and going to hit publish. But please tell me if you are in the same stage of life – and do this with me. YOU CAN DO IT.
I can’t tell y’all enough how much you mean to me. The internet is an amazing thing and I LOVE that we can have fellowship together. Let’s just not hide behind it :).
MT – I LOVE YOU SO MUCH and without you, I would be lost. If RF brought me nothing else but you, that would be enough 🙂
JF – Through thick and thin, good and bad, dance and no dance HA, always ride or die :). Love you more than Charlie Hunnam and Sam Hunt combined.
Ok hitting publish :)…