The hardest thing for women?
We are our own worst enemy. We say things like “GIRL POWER” and wear shirts with cute sayings that makes the world think (well, your world and Facebook 🙂 ) that we have each other’s back. But the truth is, nope NOPE NOPE! I know I am being harsh. But I am not going to apologize. I am raising three kids, two being girls, and I have a major heart pull to talk about this.
When I look back at my entire life, almost all bad moments, major drama, or sob-fests, all were tied to other females. Whether is was high school and mean girls doing awful things or as an adult and grown ass mean women doing awful things. Especially on the internet. I can even look back and see times when I had some moments that I now see as ME being a mean girl. I think every one of us can say this too. Take a moment and think about it. I will wait.
Ok are you shaking your head yes, and saying “PREACH RB!”? If not, keep reading anyway – you are here for a reason and you may need to help a bestie or daughter one day :).
One of my main goals and convictions in life is to change the world of this ridiculous phenomenon for our daughters. I can’t even stomach Claire and Bree going through some of things I have – and we all know that I would probably end up in prison too HA! So yes, that sounds very BOLD (shocker), but I mean it. I do believe that even from my tiny space here and social media, if I can make an impact on enough of us friends with the crazy swirlings of words and stories the Lord places in my head and life, I will put myself out here to do it :).
Satan is running rapid through our heads. There are so many wonderful things happening in our world right now for women, there should be no reason for this – but that is how he works. Behind the scenes with jealousy and envy. While we read inspirational books about being better women, follow instagram accounts with pretty images, and share our favorite FB posts about supporting other women, we are still comparing ourselves to every woman we “see”. We all troll comments, stalk profiles, and go down the Instagram rabbit hole from one profile to another until we find ourselves on their cousin’s grandmother’s niece’s husband’s younger sister, right?! I am raising my hand on all these things – please don’t think I am pointing fingers at you reading this. The only reason I know this is because I do it too. For example: one of the worst things about starting a blog like this is all the THOUSANDS of other crazy successful beautiful young bloggers for me to compare myself to. That freaking sucks for this 37 year old size 10/12 mama of 3 that got married when she was 20 with no college education, and can’t do laundry to save her life :). But that is culprit to all this that Satan uses against us.
COMPARISON. COMPARISON. COMPARISON.
My girl crush, Rachel Hollis, said in Girl Wash Your Face: “Comparison is the THIEF of Joy”. Read that three more times pretty please.
Why the hell are we robbing ourselves of our own joy? It makes zero sense when you read it – but it happens over and over again. I feel you girl. We have to stop it.
Why? Because comparison causes us to feel inadequate. Makes us feel ugly. Fat. Poor. Boring. Stupid. Useless. As if we don’t even exist. Or deserve to.
So then what happens? We let all those bad thoughts spiral and we end up having ugly thoughts about a woman or women we don’t even freaking know! Holy shiz. See how crazy this is?! But it is the truth. Satan does this so not only do we hate ourselves, we hate them too. It’s time to call BS.
We can all be better. But we are who we are because we were made very specifically that way. Lysa Terkyeurst said “There is an abundant need in this world for your exact brand of beautiful”. You probably see the quotes “you are you and that is your superpower”, and maybe gloss over or roll your eyes. But holy crap friend, that is the GOD GIVEN TRUTH. God made you just as you are at this very moment. He made her just as she is. He does NOT want you to be her. He wants you to be you because WE need YOU. Maybe you wish you looked another way or made better choices like “her” and that is between you and Jesus. You need to do the things that bring out the best version of you possible, but remember that you are how you are at this very moment reading this post for a reason and do NOT discount His work. You would not have what you have (and there is so much good if you look hard enough) because of who you are so far. That is nothing short of amazing. I am very grateful for the changes I have made and how much better I feel, but I would not a change a second of the old me because she got my Shane, and my three babies and our life so far. I love her for that. You need to love you too. YOU HAVE TO or you will never get any better. Once you start seeing the glory of God in you TODAY and loving who you are, then that love will make you better.
So how do I stop comparing RB? Lot easier said than done? Agreed. And I am no where near perfect. But we can get better.
Social media is a wonderful thing. But it can also be a poison. It is a HUGE cuplrit of this, probably the biggest. Clean up your feeds. Only follow peeps that make you better or inspire you. And then? Comment and like their posts. Tell them they are inspiring you. Because that is the other part of this. All these women that we think are perfect (even the bitchy ones that we really can’t stand)? They are dealing with the same exact issues. Yep. Even Susie with body and perfect family feels like shiz sometimes too and compares herself. So tell Susie that she inspires you and how beautiful you think she is. Not only will it make you feel good, it could make her day. Try your very hardest not to go down the rabbit holes. The minute you start to feel that funny feeling in your stomach of comparison, RETREAT. Then look at your camera roll at your life. That will make you smile and get your mind off of it. Worth a try, right?
Now there are the mean girls in real life. The ones you know personally and avoid like the plague and gossip about with your friends. WE HAVE TO STOP. Some people don’t need to be in your life, so I am not saying make a mends and become friends again. But the constant stalking and gossiping about them? IS LETTING THEM IN YOUR LIFE TOO. Another thing Rachel Hollis side in GWYF that resonated with me: “Other people’s opinions of you are not your business”. That is good. You don’t need to know what your bestie heard them say about you. We have made this a hobby y’all. It has to stop. So many impressionable ears know exactly what you are doing. Instead of spending play dates or group texts talking about others, share funny stories, encourage one another, etc. Every minute you waste talking ugly about someone else not only looks bad on you, inside you die a little because comparison is taking over. That is a tough pill to swallow, but it is the truth.
The world desperately needs YOU. Specifically, your brand of beautiful. Don’t hold her back because you don’t see it. Ask your husband or boyfriend, your mama, your sister or brother, your bestie, coworker etc. what they love most about you. You are SO important – you need to see that.
I know I was pretty harsh in the beginning of this post. But also know this: WITH EVERY OUNCE OF MY BEING, I believe we can change this. We can back up the GIRL POWER shirts. We CAN quit letting our lives be ruled by what “she” is doing or how “she” looks”. But it starts with us, right now, making changes and inspiring others to do the same. I can’t make everyone read this and understand what I am even saying, but I believe that those of you that do, needed to hear this (like me) and can change things. Women are beautiful beings and so needed – but strong, confident women, that don’t need any kind of validation because we have it in Jesus, can change the freaking world together. Our kids deserve it. I will not rest until I know we have done better.
Let’s do it.